Every year has brought changes to my life and I strive to “Keep Moving Forward” to the best of my ability.

With 2018 the path forward has included some geographic changes.  In the autumn of this year, I moved from Connecticut to Massachusetts and switched jobs. It has been, in my estimation, a good year for me personally even as the world itself mirrors dystopian fiction and our country marches in a bad direction.

I began writing this on 12/11/18 before my annual holiday card was even finished. Regardless of whether I can keep a December/January deadline for more than one year, I am committed to finishing it on time this year.

For starters, I should probably follow-up on this because poetry has been on my mind this year.

I ended last year’s Year-in-Review with Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken” and mused that “...apparently, the mainstream interpretation of that poem isn’t what Mr. Frost had in mind when he wrote it. Food for thought, though I don’t know which interpretation will hold true to my life until later.”

The linked article is “The Most Misread Poem in America” by David Orr and here’s an excerpt that hits the salient points:

“Most readers consider “The Road Not Taken” to be a paean to triumphant self-assertion (“I took the one less traveled by”), but the literal meaning of the poem’s own lines seems completely at odds with this interpretation. The poem’s speaker tells us he “shall be telling,” at some point in the future, of how he took the road less traveled by, yet he has already admitted that the two paths “equally lay / In leaves” and “the passing there / Had worn them really about the same.” So the road he will later call less traveled is actually the road equally traveled. The two roads are interchangeable.
According to this reading, then, the speaker will be claiming “ages and ages hence” that his decision made “all the difference” only because this is the kind of claim we make when we want to comfort or blame ourselves by assuming that our current position is the product of our own choices (as opposed to what was chosen for us or allotted to us by chance). The poem isn’t a salute to can-do individualism; it’s a commentary on the self-deception we practice when constructing the story of our own lives.”

I’d like to think that I avoided most pitfalls of self-deception and practiced a healthy dose of self-evaluation this year. I do not think I will talk of this year with self-aggrandizing sighs and overblown pronouncements, Robert Frost style. I made choices that I stand by and they are choices that many have made before me. I decided on a path and I will continue to move forward down it. I avoided burnout and I often had to pick and choose what projects and pursuits I had the energy for. I did not accomplish all of the goals I set forth in my last year in review, but I completed other projects. I am satisfied with my work.

If I had to reduce 2018 to three words I would say it was transitional, artsy, and full of adulting.

Favorite songs of this year were Janelle Monae’s “Screwed” (everything on her album “Dirty Computer” is worth a listen), “Happier” by Marshmello ft. Bastille, and the Eldritch versions of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.” 

If you are a fan of Jolene, the 33 RPM version is a fun listen as well.

Resolutions Made for 2018:

1. Write Year-in-review post for 2018 before the year is over. (If I don’t succeed at this the second attempt I’ll give up and consider it a lost cause)
2. Redesign website
3. Learn rudimentary sewing (so that when I rip my clothes I can fix them myself)
4. Practice gardening and grow some vegetables (and don’t let the squirrels get them this year!)
5. Read 100 books this year, and finish more of the books I own

I wrote most of this post before the year 2018 ended, but this will be published in January 2019. I consider that a win.

I certainly did not get around to re-designing the website and only signed on to my website to post a few things. I am having mixed feelings about having a website.

I did not learn rudimentary sewing, though I still fully intend on doing that. I’m going to push that goal until 2019 when my life settles down a bit.

I did practice gardening and used netting to keep the pesky squirrels away from my tomatoes and strawberries. I had five different types of tomatoes. My favorites were the “Sweet Million Cherry Tomatoes” because they lived up to their name. The most disappointing was the purple tomatoes I bought whose name I have unfortunately forgotten. They were pretty, but the flavor was lacking and it was hard to tell when they were ripe.

I read over 100 books and many of those were books I owned. I still have bookshelves full of books I have not yet read and I begin to wonder if the books are multiplying behind my back.

 

Accomplished:

• Painted my bedroom and moved to MA
• Started “Office Administrator” position at Tech180
• Battled two household menaces (mice and mold)
• Two Classes at Norwalk Community College:
• Principles of Management (Grade: A-)
• Principles of Financial Accounting (Grade: A)
• Read 119 Books for GoodReads Challenge (67 were graphic novels)
• Orchid is still alive, it now lives at my office.
• Joined Central Rock Climbing gym 

My Writing for 2018:

1. Nerd Fitness: Let’s Get Down to Business
2. Year-in-Review 2017

 

My art for 2018:

1. Jesse Flower Crown
2. Shannon Flower Crown
3. Assorted birthday art
4. Inktober 2018
5. Raccoon Holiday Card 2018

 

I celebrated the ringing in of the new year at “The Second Annual Strange One’s Ball” at Hawks and Reed listening to Bella’s Bartok, and had dim sum the next morning in Amherst. Thus my first “fortune” cookie of 2018 was on January 1st, I am going to try to make a tradition of getting a fortune cookie on January 1st. My fortune was “Good news will be brought to you by mail.” This is true, I did get various news by mail. I’m not sure which mail, in particular, the sages in charge of writing fortune cookies were referring to, but since I converse with several people through letters and got at least one wedding invite by mail I can only assume they meant something of that nature. The cookie vision of my year holds truths.

I hibernated through the majority January, choosing to weather the harsh cold and emotionally draining winter of the northeast under my blankets in between work shifts, but finished a few nice art pieces. In the land of memes, this was the month that several apps offered options to make a version of yourself from the Family Guy app to the Google Arts and Culture trend of checking which art your “face” shows up in (see: above). There were a lot of animal memes in 2018 as well- from possums to moths to chonky Bugs Bunny.

Started another semester of classes at Norwalk Community College in February, Principles of Management and Principles of Financial Accounting. Turned 30. Made some cool art. I watched Black Panther in theaters twice. I spent many weekends through the winter, spring, and even summer going between MA and CT. I feel like I have had brunch more often in 2018 than I have in other years combined.

There were 4 Nor’Easters in March 2018. Watched March for Our Lives from afar and cheered on leaders of the future. There was much spring cleaning. I worked on last 2017’s “Year in Review”.

In April, I started off the month with “Untapped Cities: Behind the Scenes Hard Hat Tour of Ellis Island Hospital” with friends. We explored a portion of the NJ side of Ellis Island. I’ve always loved the island and the tour was great, I want to do more historical tours in the future. I love going out and doing tourist activities in my own area, I learn so many new things.

By the time spring arrived, I had gotten into the hang of balancing classes at Norwalk Community College and working as an Office Assistant at Realm. I was spending a lot of weekends doing spring cleaning in Massachusetts and enjoying the outdoors. I was exercising fairly regularly and started doing Nerd Fitness.

May was a good month of flowering trees and I had many social engagements. On May 16th I boarded a plane and went south to Tennessee for an absolutely beautiful wedding. By the time I boarded a plane for my trip home I had made several new friends that I will treasure. The month ended on a sad note though because Demon, my family’s elder orange tabby, passed away.

Nathaniel (grey tabby cat) went to the vet in June, I guess it was a year of cat health problems. Nathaniel had “periodontal disease” and it was rotting his teeth at the roots which cost me a pretty penny to fix. Towards the end of the month, I went zip lining at Berkshire East and tried the Mountain Coaster. July was a busy month for outdoor activities including hiking, swimming, and climbing.

My main project in August was getting my bedroom in Massachusetts painted. I cleaned the room and did most of the prep work, then a friend came to help me paint. During August I started sending out resumes and by the end of the month, I started doing interviews up in the north.

By mid-September, a significant portion of my furniture and personal items were in my new northern home. On September 17th I officially resigned from Realm. For the next few weeks, I stayed on so that they could find a replacement. I continued my job search in Massachusetts, though I did not have a formal offer at that time.

I did Inktober this year. I started in the first few days of October and didn’t finish all 31 prompts until right before the end of November, but I *DID* finish them. Despite the fact that most of my possessions were in Leverett, I spent the start of October still in CT. My last day at Realm was October 10th, and after that, I formally moved to Massachusetts full time.

Around October 22nd I applied for an Office Administrator/Business Administrator position at Tech180 in Easthampton. I was called in for an interview on the 24th, offered the job on the 25th, and started on November 1st, 2018. It was a great decision and I enjoy my coworkers. For Halloween, Kiernan and I went out for dinner as skeleton mermaids and then went contra dancing in Amherst.

In November I attended, assisted, and shopped at the first ever Gothic Arts Market in New Haven. I voted at my local town hall in Mass. I made vegan gluten-free chocolate cookies (This recipe, but made with gluten-free all-purpose baking flour) for Thanksgiving and they were actually quite good.

December is always a busy time of year for me, and this year was no different. Since I finished Inktober so late I was still working on my holiday card by halfway through the month, and I didn’t mail it out until around the 20th. I helped host the office holiday party and I feel like everyone had a good time. I got a lovely new professional headshot from the photographer that came to the office.

I think in the future I’m going to give myself and break put a giant block on my calendar from December 20th to January 4th for no projects. No putting undue pressure on myself for year-in-review writing, no art projects, no deadlines in that time, and no to-do list checking. If things get done, they get done, but during the holidays I should lower the pressure I put myself under.

 

Resolutions for 2019:

1. Learn rudimentary sewing (migrated this resolution over from last year)
2. Bike ride on the Rail Trail
3. Complete at least one self-portrait
4. Start learning ASL
5. Read 100 books this year, and finish more of the books I own (again)

A secondary resolution or goal is to figure out what I want to do with this website. Each year I write 1-2 posts, and one of them is always my year in review. I talk about updating the website design and then feel fatigued when I start thinking about it. As I move towards working on projects that energize me and feel useful, it is hard to see the value in a website that stresses me out. This website was supposed to be a place to record my accomplishments, keep track of my portfolio, and have a central location to showcase my projects, but I rarely sign on.

The internet can be a wonderful and enriching place but I find that the more I read about how internet communities have attacked and degraded innocent people over misunderstandings, disagreements, and outright bigotry the harder it is to feel safe putting myself out there. I love writing, I love discussions, and I love learning new things, but the comments section of the internet finds a way to ruin everything it touches. Thus I need to figure out my next steps with this site.

I am going to finish off this year with three poems because I couldn’t whittle it down to just one, and it is a good year for poetry.

As I was deciding between the poems by rupi kaur and Tino Villanueva I came across Rudy Francisco’s work and fell in love. This year has included a lot of self-reflection, so these poems about self-actualization are fitting.

I read rupi kaur’s (lack of capitalization is on purpose) “milk and honey” earlier this year and loved it. Not everyone is a fan of her style of poetry or the fact that it was proliferated through Instagram, but I don’t think poetry needs to be lofty and academic to be lovable. And so, to all the femme folx in my life, know that your beauty is never the only thing I admire about you.

 

“in the spirit of intl women’s day” by rupi kaur, milk and honey. (@rupikaur_)

“i want to apologize to all the women
i have called pretty.
before i’ve called them intelligent or brave.
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you’re born with
is the most you have to be proud of
when your spirit has crushed mountains
from now on i will say things like, you are resilient
or, you are extraordinary.
not because i don’t think you’re pretty.
but because you are so much more than that”

 

I see a lot of my feelings on my changing awareness of politics and power reflected in “You, if No One Else” and relate the journey of the author. Even the title covers the idea that if we do not act and move forward, there will be no forward movement. In the coming year, I hope rebellion’s calm spirit serves you well while I strive to keep the most persistent truth. 

You, If No One Else BY Tino Villanueva
Listen, you
who transformed your anguish
into healthy awareness,
put your voice
where your memory is.
You who swallowed
the afternoon dust,
defend everything you understand
with words.
You, if no one else,
will condemn with your tongue
the erosion each disappointment brings.

You, who saw the images
of disgust growing,
will understand how time
devours the destitute;
you, who gave yourself
your own commandments,
know better than anyone
why you turned your back
on your town’s toughest limits.

Don’t hush,
don’t throw away
the most persistent truth,
as our hard-headed brethren
sometimes do.
Remember well
what your life was like: cloudiness,
and slick mud
after a drizzle;
flimsy windows the wind
kept rattling
in winter, and that
unheated slab dwelling
where coldness crawled
up in your clothes.

Tell how you were able to come
to this point, to unbar
History’s doors
to see your early years,
your people, the others.
Name the way
rebellion’s calm spirit has served you,
and how you came
to unlearn the lessons
of that teacher,
your land’s omnipotent defiler.

 

Rudy Francisco’s poem, which I first encountered as a post on Facebook, sums up so much about how I feel about my current self versus the person I was in the past. Many of the poems that spoke to me this year were relevant to things that happened in the past. I decided against using them for a year-in-review because I do not want to always be looking backward. But “This” speaks to past, present, and future. With each year I become more of the person that I have always known I was capable of being, I am so glad to be this.  

 

Previous Year-in-Review posts:

• 2017
• 2016

 

References:

 

• Corralfur. “Eldritch Jolene.” SoundCloud, 2 Oct. 2018, soundcloud.com/corralfur/eldritch-jolene.
• Evil Lighthouse. “Eldritch Horror Jolene.” YouTube, YouTube, 7 Sept. 2018, youtu.be/X8fXWDRqRbw.
• Francisco, Rudy. “Poem: This.” Twitter, Twitter, 28 Jan. 2016, twitter.com/RudyFrancisco/status/692597728069595136.
• “In the Spirit of Intl Women’s Day.” Milk and Honey, by Rupi Kaur, Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2018.
• Marshmello, and Bastille. “Marshmello Ft. Bastille – Happier (Official Music Video).” Happier, YouTube, 24 Sept. 2018, youtu.be/m7Bc3pLyij0.
• McKim, Dorothy. Meet the Robinsons. Walt Disney Pictures, 2007.
• Monáe, Janelle, and Zoë Kravitz. “Janelle Monáe – Screwed (Feat. Zoë Kravitz).” “Screwed” from the Album “Dirty Computer”, YouTube, 26 Apr. 2018, youtu.be/fgSpeV-bklk.
• Orr, David. “The Most Misread Poem in America.” The Paris Review, Penguin Press, 2 Aug. 2017, http://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2015/09/11/the-most-misread-poem-in-america/.
• Petersen, Anne Helen. “How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation.” BuzzFeed News, BuzzFeed News, 5 Jan. 2019, http://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work.
• Villanueva, Tino. “You, If No One Else by Tino Villanueva.” Poetry Foundation, Poetry Foundation, 1994, http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/56719/you-if-no-one-else.

A year-in-review post is a way to take stock of accomplishments, setbacks, goals, and mistakes. I’ve heard it described as an exercise in “mindfulness and conscious living” as well as a way to “supercharge” my career. I’ve pulled the disparate pieces of my 2016 together into a cohesive post, let’s dive in.

If I had to describe my 2016 in three words they would be “disrupt,” “adapt,” and “surreal.” My career path was disrupted when I was laid-off mid-year, but that wasn’t the only disruption. I was shoved out of a mental rut I had found myself in and made several far-reaching decisions. I learned about my own ability to adapt and thrive in unexpected conditions; it was stressful and illuminating. I spent a lot of energy in 2015 expanding my comfort zone, and 2016 threw me curve balls that continued that journey (whether I liked it or not!)

The surreal element of 2016 can be seen in the larger events going on; a year characterized by negativity and a dark political climate. People trusted fake news over scientific facts and people’s actions in that climate of “post-truth” will continue to haunt us for years to come. Often I came across articles that should have been in the “satire” category but were actually verified news. I hope 2017 is more grounding and inspires more empathy in all of us.

For starters, my resolutions for 2016:

1. Write more content for the Stamford Innovation Center
2. Improve my LinkedIn profile (using tips and tricks from Sandra Long’s class)
3. Help create more structure in the Stamford Innovation Center
4. My personal resolution was to do more yoga.

I am sad to say that I did not accomplish most of these objectives. I did not write much content for the Stamford Innovation Center (SIC) and I did not create more structure. Part of the reason I didn’t accomplish my goals at the SIC was my layoff in July 2016, but I know I could have done better work on these projects in the first half of the year.

I can say with confidence that my LinkedIn profile is at “all-star” strength and that I used all of the tips and tricks I remembered from Sandra’s class.

As for the yoga, well, it’s surprisingly easy to find excuses not to go to the gym. I know it’s important to get exercise and eat healthily, but health resolutions don’t really work for me. I wear a Fitbit and it has a wealth of data on how inconsistent my exercise habits are. In early 2016 my friends and I routinely ended Fitbit challenges with 15-20K steps a day, but I don’t find myself rising to the challenge as often lately. I need to work on making exercise a habit instead of a chore.

2016’s accomplishments are, in many ways, continuations of previous years’ accomplishments.

In March 2016 I helped organize Startup Weekend Stamford for my third year in a row. Startup Weekend is a global organization that started in 2007, but the Stamford event was only in its fifth year in 2016. I ran SUWE’s social media accounts, wrote copy, planned meals, entered data, kept track of expenses, and met a variety of entrepreneurs. It was a really excellent weekend and every time I have been involved with Startup Weekend I learn more about running a large event.

In May I had a key role in organizing the SIC’s third annual fundraising event. In 2014 we called it the Geeks and Nerds Gala and in 2015 it was renamed “The Indie Gala”. In 2016 we continued the tradition of “The Indie Gala” and added “The Indie Alley,” a marketplace of local small businesses and startups.

In the months leading up to the gala, I was busy writing event descriptions, courtesy emails, and blog posts. As the main point of contact for vendors and sponsors, I made sure that everyone was informed and happy. I recruited volunteers and organized task lists. I marketed the event on social media channels and kept those channels busy during the event itself. I acquired the necessary permits and ensured inventory was stocked. After the event, I compiled all of the data and created a comprehensive profit and loss document. The beneficiary in 2016 was Franklin Street Works, a not-for-profit contemporary art gallery in downtown Stamford. Working with their team was a lot of fun and I’m glad we raised money to support the arts.

June 2016 was dedicated to planning and running a table for the SIC at Brooklyn’s Northside Innovation Festival. This was the third year the SIC sponsored a table at the festival and it was great to see all of the startups brewing innovative ideas in NYC.

In July 2016 I was laid off from my job as Operations Manager at the SIC. I was hired by the Stamford Innovation Center in September 2013, so I worked with them for just under three years. I learned many valuable lessons during my time with the company and I’m glad I was given the opportunity to grow my skills as part of a wonderful team.

As I pulled myself together after that jarring mid-year change I found projects to keep myself occupied. I traveled to Tennessee to visit my friend Sarah Waddell and learned more about House of Douglas Bakery, her parents’ business. I fortified my LinkedIn profile, as per my resolution. I began applying for positions that suited my skills, and I went on a lot of walks. The Pokemon Go craze hit just after I became unemployed, so I used it as inspiration to keep myself active. I’m not sure I should be bragging about this, but I reached level 30!

In the fall I got involved with the American Red Cross and volunteered as a receptionist at their Greenwich location. I’ve been training with them as a Disaster Responder and learning how to help with Mass Care and Shelters. I’m really glad I got involved with the ARC because I’ve met fascinating people and learned great skills. I love the idea of being able to give back to my community in the event of a disaster.

It’s been a crazy ten years since I graduated from Greenwich High School, and to honor that I attended the GHS Class of 2006 Reunion at the Bruce Museum in November of 2016. It was a weird trip down memory lane, but I’m happy to report that the evening went swimmingly. I reacquainted myself with friends, checked on how my peers were doing, and finished off the night playing Munchkin at my house. Networking events used to be very stressful for me, but after years of hosting them for the SIC, I feel right at home.

For Halloween, I painted a mask that I’d owned for a decade, and it turned out quite well. This is more of an accomplishment than it sounds as first. Art makes me a bit anxious and I tend to procrastinate starting projects because I am worried that I’ll ruin them. Then once I’ve started something I nitpick at it until I’m exhausted because I’m never quite satisfied with it. I have heard this described as “The Creator’s Curse” and I’m trying to feel more comfortable with working on art for the sake of art. It’s part of the reason that I have no interest in doing art for profit since that’s an even higher level of stress than doing it on my own.

My art for 2016, as you can see it is a short list.

1. Raccoon Holiday Card 2015.
   1. This one is sort of cheating since it was the end of 2015, but it was the start of a tradition I plan to uphold of making my own holiday card each year.
2. Raccoon Mask
3. Raccoon Holiday Card 2016: We All Need Cuddles
4. There were a few other art projects this year that were a bit less polished. You can find them on my Instagram.

I would be hard pressed to describe exactly why I find art stressful since I DO love it, but the best explanation comes from a study I once read about children that are praised for “talent” vs. “effort”.  “Our society worships talent, and many people assume that possessing superior intelligence or ability—along with confidence in that ability—is a recipe for success. In fact, however, more than 35 years of scientific investigation suggests that an overemphasis on intellect or talent leaves people vulnerable to failure, fearful of challenges and unwilling to remedy their shortcomings.” From The Secret To Raising Smart Kids by Carol S. Dweck. I remember being praised for my “artistic talent” all the time as a child and somehow it never felt good. It always seemed like an element I had little to no control over and its presence made me nervous. If “it” left, would I still be able to do art that was “good”? Learning how to value my own art, mistakes and all, is a journey I’m still on. One of my priorities in 2017 is to create more art to offset all the negativity.

Resolutions for 2017, three professional and one personal.

1. My first resolution is to write the “Year in Review” for 2017 before the year is over! I am currently writing 2016’s Year-in-Review in January of 2017 (oops).
2. Get a job and learn more skills that further my career.
3. Write at least one post a month.
4. Do more art!

Then there’s a resolution I’ve had for as many years as I have been collecting books. Prioritizing reading the books I physically own rather than the ones that catch my eye at the library! Ha, it will never happen…. But maybe I’ll make more of a dent this year than last. As always I hope to do some traveling this year, every year I have at least one trip to somewhere exciting.

It would be cheating to put “Make website live” and “start blogging” onto my 2017 resolutions list, but it’s good to start the year out on a positive note.

Hello, new friends and old! I have a website now, as you can see!

I’m going to finish off this post with a poem by Alice Walker, the author of “The Color Purple.”

 The Nature of This Flower Is to Bloom

Rebellious. Living.

Against the Elemental Crush.

A Song of Color

Blooming

For Deserving Eyes.

Blooming Gloriously

For its Self.

In 2017 I’m going to be blooming gloriously for myself.

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